Do you want another boy?
by sentimental boy
Summary: Kendall doesn't think it's fair that Carlos loves James and not him. Kendall's POV; 2nd person POV.one-sided Kenlos, Jarlos.


You're pretty sure that the worst pain that you've ever felt was when you broke three ribs after you got slammed into the boards during the championship game in freshman year, which only hurt so badly because you lost the puck and gave the other team a clear shot to make the game winning goal. Your coach was disappointed and whole team wouldn't even look at you. That's nothing compared to what you're feeling right now when you see _him _with his arms wrapped around the person that you're in love with.

You aren't sure when you first started crushing on Carlos, but the first time that you can remember feeling this way about him was in the eighth grade when you got so jealous of all of the time that he and Logan were spending together when Logan was teaching him about polynomials because he was having so much trouble grasping the concept. You denied it when Logan confronted you, but it did get you thinking that maybe you did have a little crush on Carlos. Granted, you still haven't admitted that to Logan yet and you're not quite sure that you intend to anytime soon.

You don't understand why they have to sit like _that _on the couch where everyone can see it. You make an offhand comment about how you're not sure that your mom would want Katie to see it, but they disregard you. You angrily repeat yourself until you finally gets a reaction. James lets go of Carlos and stands up. He steps closer to your face and says if you have a problem, you should just tell him instead of trying to mask your opinions by pretending that your mom would care because he knows for a fact that your mom is fine with them sitting together on the couch. You shove James and he's about to shove you back, but Carlos tells him not to. You're not sure how to respond, so you just roll your eyes and go to your room to be alone.

You don't want to cry; you most certainly are _not _a crier, but the tears come anyway. You pull your knees up to your chest and try to steady your ragged breathing. It's not fair. You can't seem to think of anything that James has that you don't. Sure he's got a few inches on you, a pretty good head of hair and maybe he's more toned than you are, but you've got the fact that you're not _half_ as arrogant as he is going for you.

You'd be the first to admit that you're a jealous person. You'd also be quick to admit that you're a competitive person. Your jealous side and your competitive side don't get along very well and sometimes you think that they may conspire against you. There's your jealous side that can't stand to see James get Carlos because you're in love with him and your competitive side can't stand to see James get Carlos because if he has Carlos, you're _losing_.

You don't notice how much you're thinking until you're snapped out of it by a soft rapping at your door. You won't let anyone see you crying, so you pull the pillow over your head and pretend that you don't hear it. The knocking grows louder progressively until you can barely ignore it, but you don't move. The person outside the door, who turns out to be Logan, calls your name and demands that you let him into the room since it is _his _room too. You hoarsely shout through the door that he should go find something else to do because you're busy in here and, judging by the fact that he doesn't say anything else to you, he gives up.

You've got yourself calmed down and you're almost dozing off when the door flies open. You lift your head, ready to yell at Logan for searching your mom's room for the key, when you realize it's Carlos. He's standing there with the key held up with one hand and the other held up in a way that tells you to say seated. His lips spread into the smile that you love so much, if only for the fact that it's sweet, playful, innocent, fun, and just so _Carlos._

Carlos walks over and sits on the edge of your bed. His grin doesn't leave his face, but his eyes are full of concern for whatever reason. He pats the empty spot next to him, so you sit next to him. He turns to you and puts his hand on your shoulder. He asks softly if everything's alright with you because you 'haven't been acting very much like Kendall'. You say you're only having a bad day, but he shakes his head and tells you that you've been acting strange like this for close to a month. You shake your head and tell Carlos that he should leave.

You try to ignore the devastated look that spreads across his face. He mumbles an apology and heads for the door. You suddenly feel guilty and grab his arm as he tries to leave. You promise to tell him what's wrong if he promises that he'll smile again. It works and he gives you a huge grin before he hops on to your bed.

Your hands are shaking a bit and your palms are sweaty. You can't decide if you really want to do this. The queasy feeling in your stomach makes you second-guess yourself, but the eager look in Carlos' eyes urges you to go on. You open your mouth and you're able to stutter out 'well' before the door swings open again. James is standing there with a small smile that seems a little forced and he reminds Carlos that they're going to need to leave soon if they want to make it to the movie they're going to see on time. You're about to say something rude in response, but Carlos turns to James before you can. He tells him that you two are having a conversation and James will just have to deal with it if they're late.

James leaves and that's when you realize that you _can't _tell Carlos how you feel. It's not because you think it's a bad idea. It's mostly because you're almost positive that you psychically can't. So you feed him some story about how you and Jo have been having problems and you're trying to figure out where your relationship is going from here. He nods slowly and pats you on the back. He tells you how he'll be back by at least 10:30 and you two can talk then. You nod and make a mental not to be asleep by then.

It's been about an hour of you just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling before you come up with your plan. It may be the best one yet. You walk over to your desk and pick up a notebook and a pen to write Carlos a letter. It's the only way that you can get your feelings out and you know that you can't keep them bottled up much longer.

'_Carlos,_

_You don't have to read this. It isn't as if it really matters anyway, but I like you. I've liked you for a while and I just want you to know. I know that you're happy with James and I should probably be happy with that, but I'm not. I have the undying feeling that James is going to break your heart and you know what? When he does, I'm still gonna be waiting for you. If he never does, then I'll try to move on. I don't think I ever will though._

_- Kendall.'_

You fold the letter and stuff it into an envelope. You place the envelope on Carlos' pillow and you sleep better than you ever have in your life.

Carlos won't even look at you during breakfast the next morning. He keeps his eyes glued to the bowl of oatmeal in front of him. You're nervous that he might be mad, but you don't have the guts to ask him if he really is. You walk back into your room after you choke down as much breakfast as you can stomach and there's an envelope sitting on your pillow that's almost identical to the one that you left on Carlos' bed. The paper inside only has one line written on it in that messy handwriting that couldn't belong to anyone else.

'_Maybe someday :) – Carlos.'_

You decide in that moment that you don't regret writing that letter one bit.


End file.
